A Review Of The Vicon Revue

A New Way to Remember

Living with short time memory loss sucks. What people think of as short term memory problems is often misunderstood. Allot of times I get a response like "oh my memory is bad to", when I explain to people I won't remember things done today. Memory loss is so much than knowing where you put your keys or someones name.

Memory loss means forgetting your wife, you husband, you children, your friends, where you are, what you are doing, where you need to go, and how to get back. I know longer have a memory to rely on on my daily tasks. 

To put this in perspective. I know I am married. I know I got married in Hawaii. I know I had a honey mood because that just makes sense. I also have an understanding of Hawaii. If you have never been you to understand what it would be like to be on a beach in Hawaii. That is a part of memory. That I have. What I do not have is access to the details.

I don't remember who was there. I can assume, like most weddings, my family, my brides family, close friends etc were there. I assume we had the usual wedding clothing. I am pretty sure knowing my wife, the dress was fantastic, she worried about it way to much and it would not matter what she had chosen to put on.

I see the wedding ring so I assume it all went well. However I don't know what we ate, I don't know where we got married, I don't remember what was said, the weather, the smells, the cute little things that make every wedding unique. I don't know what group of friends got drunk, did we drink? I don't know if anyone got sick, was there a fight, did I cry, did my wife cry? Was it closed down by the police I don't remember. I don't remember my wedding. I do know I am married.

So imagine how it feels to see pictures of that day I have no recollection of? I recognize my wife, I recognize most of the faces, I recognize scenes as being in Hawaii (well I assume that because I see Hawaii on a lot of things and make an educated guess that the rest of the photos in that group work together). If however, you were to put another picture in there from say, yesterday, at a beach or a restaurant right next door to me in Vancouver. I would assume it had something to do with the wedding.

So you can imagine how much trust I have to have in what I look at is what it is that I am looking at. Why storing these memories in a way to documents the date, the time, the location so I can go back and view them again is so very, very important to me.

You see when you don't remember something, it did not happen. At least you don't think it. That is why you don't put your hand on the stove. You did that once, it hurt, you made a memory, a powerful memory. I don't make those anymore. Thank goodness I had established the stove thing along, long time ago.

However let's say a new device came out or I tried to new learn a new tool or procedure I had never experienced before. I would not retain that data. I would put my hand on the stove again, and again. As I do currently since my injury

So imagine how helpful a device like the ViconRevue is. This literally becomes my memory. At a recent conference I made a speech. Now I don't remember the speech. I again assume it was the same as my other speeches, I don't remember who was there what contacts I made. I don't remember the details. Other than I went to a Brain injury Conference.

However I can now look at my laptop and look at a specific date and I have pictures of that day. I see people I reckognize, I see views that sometimes trigger a memory, but often just make me laugh and feel like I did not loose anything, as I often do. Life is memories. Without remembering what we did......there is no reason to continue to do them.



The Vicon Revue is a small very easy to use camera that takes pictures automatically. It comes with intigrated software that is very simple to use and allows you to put the date, names, locations into the pictures. Check out the video below



It uses cutting edge Microsoft software and the whole point is for you to use it on those events that you want to remember.

I have used it twice now "officially" at the Naramata Brain Injury Conference and recently at a Brain  Injury Conference close to me in Coquitlam. 

If your looking for a way to capture some memories that are not the staged pictures you take your camera for. This is a great place to start. When you use a camera or a phone to take a picture it captures a different "energy" than when you have a time lapsed pictures of the whole event.

I have found myself twice going back to the slide show. It plays like a movie, and putting faces to the names I wrote down in my note book. As I get used to the device I can myself using it more and more.

One nice thing I thought of that would be cool if it could be added would be a way to my Calendar. A way to say go to my outlook calendar and a on that date would be a link to the slide show of the calendar event.

That being said it is a great advice for anyone wanting to capture and return to any event that is important to them.

Happy Brain Injury Awareness Month

First and Foremost Happy Brain Injury Awareness Month. I am roudly wearing my wrist bracelet.

As always I am continuing to talk and improve awareness of brain injury. I also am trying to find a way to get a national Brain Injury fund raising event started that is just for Brain Injury, however that's another blog entry for another day.

I have been pushing myself pretty hard, I have found a job and just working an 8 hour day pushes my cognitive limits. Physically I am ok, it's the mental of the day that just makes it nearly impossible to do anything else but work. I am often exausted by the time I come home and all I can think about is what I am doing the next day.

I have been trying to get involved socially, with friends and family, and continue with the brain injury world close to me. I am pushing my limits and recently had a pretty bad crash.

I have found that for me, prepping really hard for my day makes it go really well. Having the right gear, habits, co-workers and schedule makes a huge difference. I just have what I need when I need it. While this may sound like common sense, if you think of the things you will do today it get's very difficult to plan every single step from socks, to bus pass, to random events that can just happen.

The other day I had a few errands to do and I lost my bus pass along the way and that just screwed my perfectly planned day right up. Shut me down. I was cooked.

I am also playing with some help some medication. The first 5 years after my injury I did all the cognitive training things, I tried everything I could think of, suggested to me, seemed like a good idea at the time, no idea was to crazy to try, and I believe I reached the limit of what I could achieve.

I achieved allot. I mean I am walking and talking, I am able to work, I can live independently, however I still rely on a lot of "aids" from other people, electronics, strategies, nothing is organic anymore. Every though, every step is prepared, planned, and I am very rarely away from a helping hand. The idea of being able to have an truly independent day again is, well, a dream.

One of the things that has allawys kind of bugged me about some brain injury sights, books, speakers (not all but enough i need to mention it) is this idea that "I survived a brain injury and it was hard, but I have succeeded and life is great now" That to me is a load of shit.

Life is not great now, yes I survived, yes I am grateful, yes I am "successful" yet the reason for that is because I have learned to live with my disability. I have not fixed the issue. I have just "handled it". So I won't through a bunch of crap out there and pretend life is all gold lined potato chips ( I don't know what those are but I want one).

I went from earning a decent income to earning minimum wage. While I am happy I am working and that I can contribute to the household, it still leaves me one paycheck away from huge financial issues. This is not right.

So my next step is to start using "smart drugs" I am have been using stimulants (think of Ritalin and the like) I am also trying out Human Growth Hormones. The theory behind this is to increase the rate of new cell growth and pathway building in my body.

Now I need to put in a clause here. This is something I have chosen to do for myself. I am working very closely with two doctors and a neurologist. This is at the cutting edge of brain injury recovery stuff here. I have become my own advocate and done my own research and then taken these findings to truly educated people and experts in there field. I am closely monitored and don't do anything with a whole lot of "pro's and con's" and close discussion with my wife.

The stimulants have seemed to allow me to turn off the "flooding" allowing me to focus on one task at a time. I recently went two days without the stimulant do to my bad planning and scheduling my Dr's appt. I noticed within the second day that I had a massive anxiety attach, I got confused and got lost and things like finding my way to work were 10 times harder. I was checking and rechecking everything I did. I had not been like this for a couple of years. This was a huge sign to me.

I am more productive, individual, and can accomplish more things. It took trying several diffeent stiumlants and finding the right dose but over all I would say it has improved my cognitive skills. I can actually play a brain injury game and see a difference. That speaks volumes to me.

I am going to start taking Steroids, yup I am going to roids. However they are not so I can get huge in the gym. Its so that I can increase some of the essential chemicals that my glans no longer produce like they did before my brain injury. This will start tomorrow and I will keep you posted.

Check out this guy as well. Troys Run  Troy is a TBI survivor as well and is also running across Canada to raise awareness for TBI.

And please, please get in touch with Jodi Holmes Ginter. Jodi (and her boys) were a great part of my run. She has lot's of the Brain Injury braceletts she will send, so check out her facebook site, make a donation as I can attest the money goes to people who need it.

The movement is on people!! let's change the world. 

Work or Run?

So the Vancouver Marathon is a day away. As a result of a mistake in my scheduling at work, it appears I am working that day. I have thought long and hard about taking the day off, however that is not going to work. If I take the day off, that means that one of the other three By-law enforcement officers have to take my shift. We all work full time shifts so this means they will be working an extra shift.

I am also still in my first month of the job and I will be taken another week or so off in less than a month to go the Brain Injury Conference. So I have decided to miss this Marathon.

This was not an easy decision, however when I way the pro's and con's it just doesn't make any sense. It took me a long time to find a job I enjoy, people I like working with, and a company that treats me amicably. I don't want to burn that bridge at this stage.

I will be training for the Surrey Marathon that is in September. I will update more about that. I have also started a weight lifting routine. My next machine is to get all buff like Arnold ;') So I will be blogging about that journey.

I have a bunch of new equipment and some great new items that I have been using and will do some reviews on. Right now though, I really need to focus on my job. My wife works so hard, and has worked so hard since my injury. I just don't feel right taking a day off to follow something that pays off only me.

So ya, sad day. However I can now pay some bills!!

Dave

WOW was life ever easier when I all I had to was run and talk. Now I have to work!! I like my job. It's something that comes easy to me, I am outdoors, I get to deal with people and there is just enough excitement in it to make interesting without to demanding. My co workers are good and the location is good. The only issue is the pay is not great.

I will keep my eyes open for something a little more financialy secure but for now I am not just trying to budget the new work hours, between training and the gym.

I am trying hard to stay in the brain injury world. It is very close to my heart as well I as helping out those who are as confused as I was. If I can help anyone out to get through this life changing event I will do my best. It's just the right thing to do.

Quick little run after Gym

Quick little run after Gym by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Gym was Dumbbell press, Triceps push and rowing on top of crunches.

Now it's time to clean the house.....................maybe play some video games....no clean....CLEAN!!!

Short little run by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Short little run by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Nice and sunny out today. The air was a little windy with a nice smell of salt in it.

It felt so good to be out and moving again. I hit the gym after a short warm up. Feeling good I then decided to go for a brief little run.

I have had a sever chest cold the past 5 days or so on top of some other frustrations. Running always gives me clarity.

I wanted to express that one of the reasons I post is because this is how I feel. I am not going to be politically correct, I am not going try and soften the blow, I am not going to pretend things are ok when they are not.

I also know that a result of my brain damage my brain does not process emotions, sensations, thoughts, feelings, expressions in a way I can control. I am working on it. However I sustained a sever brain injury. This is not going to change because "I will it to".

Running across the country I met so many people who were facing similar situations that I was. As a survivor of a brain injury my defense mechanism on the confusion of ever day life and my inability to process like I used is to withdraw. If I feel that way, then others must as well.

However if I withdraw, if I step back, if I slow down, I will not move forward. It is a very slippery slope to fall within yourself. Justified or not.

So I share my experiences, my challenges, my thoughts, my failures and my successes because they are real to me. This is my reality. It is not the reality I wish I was, or the reality I want to be, it simply just is.

If I did not believe there was purpose, if I did not believe there was level off attainment I may reach, then I would be very worried.

I want others to know this as well. It's going to suck, it's going to be really hard, it is going to be unfair, and you are going to suffer unfairly. This is a reality. However there is optimism. I have seen it, I have felt it, I have achieved it. It's a fleeting thing optimism. It's a tease and it's constantly disappearing with the challenges we face. However it is attainable. Whatever that looks for you, or for me. I believe in that.

Doesn't take away the hurt, doesn't take away the frustration, doesn't take away the unfairness, but it is attainable.

Don't give up or give in, don't settle, and don't stop. Because someone else has it worse of than you, and no one deserves what we go through.

My Hardware is Broken.

My Hardware is Broken.

Do to some recent setbacks I have been having a hard time staying positive. It’s not that I won’t be positive again; it’s that I am just going through the frustration of, yet again, another setback after my injury.

You see I am a little naïve. I believed in all the recovery promises. That if I went to the right Doctors, followed the rehab protocol, registered with social service and sought out the services that are offered for brain injury survivors and I put in the work, that there would be eventual pay off.

And I worked hard. I spent my first year just relearning how to learn. Putting up with the bureaucratic bullshit of social service, insurance companies and all the rhetoric of a medical system that likes to sound good, but acts in the opposite. Falling through the cracks and missing out on valuable resources.  Dealing with huge corporations who market how “socially connected they are” yet offer absolutely no social resources, care, or concern for anything but the bottom line for them. I stood up I walked, I ran, I ran across the country.

I attempted to go back to school, I took out student loans. I got in touch with the disability resources for going back to school. I worked so hard. I worked until I was exhausted; I put everything I had into it. It did not work.

So I tried again, and again, I worked myself into mental and physical exhaustion.

I screamed for help from government, from friends, from family. I screamed until I had no move voice in me. I have listened to everyone, from shrinks, to psychologists, speech pathologists, brain injury survivors. I have read books, I have gone to yoga, meditation, I have had sleep deprived EEG’s, I have been poked, prodded, squeezed, analyzed, neglected, “at a boy’d”, talked down to, disrespected and disregarded.

I am clinically depressed, I have an anxiety disorder, I suffer from exhaustion because I don’t sleep. I am broke and in so much debt. The banks don’t care about the brain injury, they don’t care about the run, they don’t care about the progress I have made, or how “I have come accept my situation”. That’s great, I accept it. I accept the fact that I can’t work full time. I get the fact that I am “difficult” for other people.  I accept the fact that I can’t be relied upon, that my family won’t talk to me, that my friends have to focus on their own shit and not mine. I accept all of it. Now what?

My computer is broken. I keep trying to change the software, thinking an update or a new version will work. However I keep running in to the same issues. I keep thinking of fixing the software, but it’s the hardware that is damaged. No matter what I do, I can’t fix that. That is hard to deal with. I don’t think I have accepted that yet. I don’t know if I want to accept it.

What will acceptation bring? That I am almost 40 and I will never earn more than minimum wage part time? That my wife and I will never be out of debt? We will spend the rest of our lives working until exhaustion just to stay broke? We will never be able to afford children, a pet, or improve the quality of our life. I accept this. So what?

What happens next? This? This is it? I mean I am not starving, I have a home, I have food in my belly. So I am grateful. So the next 30 or so years of my life are to fight every day, mentally, physically, spiritually, to maintain this.

I am not trying to be negative, I am really trying to see the positive, where is it? The hardware is not going to change, so I need to change my outlook. I get it. How? How do I be OK with this? What steps do I take to accept this reality that this is as good as it’s going to get? How do I be ok with this?