I have been pushing myself pretty hard, I have found a job and just working an 8 hour day pushes my cognitive limits. Physically I am ok, it's the mental of the day that just makes it nearly impossible to do anything else but work. I am often exausted by the time I come home and all I can think about is what I am doing the next day.
I have been trying to get involved socially, with friends and family, and continue with the brain injury world close to me. I am pushing my limits and recently had a pretty bad crash.
I have found that for me, prepping really hard for my day makes it go really well. Having the right gear, habits, co-workers and schedule makes a huge difference. I just have what I need when I need it. While this may sound like common sense, if you think of the things you will do today it get's very difficult to plan every single step from socks, to bus pass, to random events that can just happen.
The other day I had a few errands to do and I lost my bus pass along the way and that just screwed my perfectly planned day right up. Shut me down. I was cooked.
I am also playing with some help some medication. The first 5 years after my injury I did all the cognitive training things, I tried everything I could think of, suggested to me, seemed like a good idea at the time, no idea was to crazy to try, and I believe I reached the limit of what I could achieve.
I achieved allot. I mean I am walking and talking, I am able to work, I can live independently, however I still rely on a lot of "aids" from other people, electronics, strategies, nothing is organic anymore. Every though, every step is prepared, planned, and I am very rarely away from a helping hand. The idea of being able to have an truly independent day again is, well, a dream.
One of the things that has allawys kind of bugged me about some brain injury sights, books, speakers (not all but enough i need to mention it) is this idea that "I survived a brain injury and it was hard, but I have succeeded and life is great now" That to me is a load of shit.
Life is not great now, yes I survived, yes I am grateful, yes I am "successful" yet the reason for that is because I have learned to live with my disability. I have not fixed the issue. I have just "handled it". So I won't through a bunch of crap out there and pretend life is all gold lined potato chips ( I don't know what those are but I want one).
I went from earning a decent income to earning minimum wage. While I am happy I am working and that I can contribute to the household, it still leaves me one paycheck away from huge financial issues. This is not right.
So my next step is to start using "smart drugs" I am have been using stimulants (think of Ritalin and the like) I am also trying out Human Growth Hormones. The theory behind this is to increase the rate of new cell growth and pathway building in my body.
Now I need to put in a clause here. This is something I have chosen to do for myself. I am working very closely with two doctors and a neurologist. This is at the cutting edge of brain injury recovery stuff here. I have become my own advocate and done my own research and then taken these findings to truly educated people and experts in there field. I am closely monitored and don't do anything with a whole lot of "pro's and con's" and close discussion with my wife.
The stimulants have seemed to allow me to turn off the "flooding" allowing me to focus on one task at a time. I recently went two days without the stimulant do to my bad planning and scheduling my Dr's appt. I noticed within the second day that I had a massive anxiety attach, I got confused and got lost and things like finding my way to work were 10 times harder. I was checking and rechecking everything I did. I had not been like this for a couple of years. This was a huge sign to me.
I am more productive, individual, and can accomplish more things. It took trying several diffeent stiumlants and finding the right dose but over all I would say it has improved my cognitive skills. I can actually play a brain injury game and see a difference. That speaks volumes to me.
I am going to start taking Steroids, yup I am going to roids. However they are not so I can get huge in the gym. Its so that I can increase some of the essential chemicals that my glans no longer produce like they did before my brain injury. This will start tomorrow and I will keep you posted.
Check out this guy as well. Troys Run Troy is a TBI survivor as well and is also running across Canada to raise awareness for TBI.
And please, please get in touch with Jodi Holmes Ginter. Jodi (and her boys) were a great part of my run. She has lot's of the Brain Injury braceletts she will send, so check out her facebook site, make a donation as I can attest the money goes to people who need it.
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