Running into an anxiety attack

So today I was to head over to my mother in laws house and do some more floor sanding. It's a bit of a rest day and I enjoyed sleeping in. It was about 9:30 am and I got up.

We are out of coffee in the house so I walked across the street and got a coffee. Came home and checked my emails and chatted with our room mate. As I started to think about catching the bus and planning my trip. I had an overwhelming anxiety attack.

If you have never had one, well they suck. The emotional part of is feeling of insecurity. That is such a hard thing to put into context. Feeling insecure. Everyone feels insecure, How is that a problem. Well it's not, and it is.

In a split second I went from having my coffee and planning my day. To thinking I am never going to find a job, my wife is going leave me, I am going to bankrupt, I am worthless, and stupid. I am also now embarrassed and I start to hyper ventilate.

I start to get dizzy, I can't breath, the world comes crashing in. I have a basic understanding of psychology. I know what is happening. I can recognize the symptoms and logically talk myself through it. However this doesn't make a difference to me.

I know the neurons in my brain are firing at hyper speed, I know chemicals are being released in my body that I can't control. I have a understanding that my body is responding like I just saw some sort of epic sight, i.e. death, car crash, my body is in full fight or flight mode. Everything is acting like you would if your being jumped by 10 thugs and your loved one is being held down. That is the program my body is running.

However that is not happening. I am just drinking a coffee. I am trying to calm myself down. The headache starts now.

Now the feeling stupid starts to kick in. What is wrong with me, why can't I step out of this. This makes it even worse. I think my mother in law will judge me, I think I am letting people down. The whole panic attack is a cyclical journey.

So I type. I type right now. I want others to know there is nothing wrong them. That it is the result of computer in your brain having a hissy fit. You just need to chill and wait for it to reboot.

I just feel so useless and so..........i don't so out of control. Like I have no power over my own head.

Now the anger kicks in. The inner drill sergeant starts calling me a wimp and to suck it up. Fake it till you make it........

I think I will go to the gym. Run this off. Stop beating myself up.

brain injury sucks.