1 hour run on the treadmill by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details
Today's run. Finished with some weights.
Today was a day that reminded me of my injury. I have great days things go well, things seem to be OK. Then I have days like today when it seems that I can't even the simplest things. I went out to get some anti blister items. I left my house and I forgot what I was doing. So I walk around a bit, expecting my memory to come back. I head to Starbucks and figure I can at least get a coffee. I remember that I need to get the things for my feet and I leave Starbucks. I get to the pharmacy and I pick up my items. I have no wallet, or cell phone. I freak out, or as like to say, I flood.
In the second that I become aware of my lost phone and wallet my brain is over loaded with impulses. I think of every place I have been, ever. I try to focus on what I am doing in the store, I try to comprehend that I need to respond to the cashier. She is asking me questions. What does she need to know? Where am I? Where is my wallet? where is my phone.........this repeats at a remarkable speed. My brain freezes like computer running to many programs at once. It shorts out.
I have been here before. I breath, I try to speak, words are hard. Where is my fucking phone? I need to call Mandy, I need to get a grip. I breath. I walk out of the store. I walk home.
I have my keys, I go to my apartment, got inside and I recognize I am upset, I don't remember why.
I sit down at my computer and check my calendar to see what I need to do now. I see I need to get some stuff for my blisters. I get ready to go and I look for my phone. It's not where it always is. I am also dressed. This is not right. Something is wrong. I am looking for something. I don't have my phone. OK, I need to go to the store to look for some blister stuff. I don't have my wallet. I should call Mandy and ask her what I should do, first I need to get my cell phone.
This goes on for a while. I flood some more. I sit down. I breath. OK David get a grip. I walk out of my house. My entire flight or fight responses in my brain are going off. I am in full panic mode. I feel like crying, my emotions are off the chart. I swear inside to "suck it up, move on Dave, move on". I get to Starbucks. I see a worker and I say "My phone, I think, it's uhm..........." she helps me out and says "did you leave it here"
I want to say "I don't know, I can't find it and this is the only place I have been". What comes out is "I think you, for it"?
She does not miss a beat and asks her manager if anyone has turned in a phone.
The manager looks at me and says "did you forget it"?
"I don't know, I don't have it"?
"Did you forget your wallet as well"?
"No just my phone"
"well I have a phone" she pulls it up.
"yes that's mine" I am so happy. She waits a second. Then hands it to me. I feel full again. My brain starts to be happy. I am in a great mood. I leave and go out to the store to get my foot stuff. My brain is back in gear, I remember what I need to do. I head to the pharmacy. I don't have my wallet.
This was a long hard day. I did get my wallet back, I got my phone back, I got my blister stuff and I got in my run. I did some weights, and got back home to start dinner and get on the blog talk radio show with Craig
Now I have to go back and finish dinner for when my wife get's home!!
I need to stretch.
There were days where I could not leave my own house because I did not know where my keys were. I became obsessive about what I did with my keys, wallet, and phone. I would check constantly to make sure I had them when I was out.
ReplyDeleteI was in an unfamiliar city once, and determined not to let my brain injury deter me from exploring, I set out on an adventure. Before I left where I was staying, I must have checked my pockets about 32 times to make sure I had what I needed. When I got out on the street, I checked another 10 times. By the time I had checked everything off my list, I wasn't sure if I had x, or y or z... so I had to start all over again. I started flooding, and then the panic hit. The overwhelming hot and scared feeling reduced me to tears on a sidewalk in an unfamiliar city. There were other people about, and I was the grown woman trying to push back sobs and NOT look like I was crazy. I almost gave up and went back inside. It took me a couple of minutes to pull everything back together, but I eventually did it and got to explore.
I now carry a little note in my wallet that explains that I have a brain injury, so if I am ever having a 'bad' experience, I can show that note to people and not have to worry about having to explain everything to them.
I hope you had a quiet peaceful time the next day. Those events are pretty traumatic.